C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
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