1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
