Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
