just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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