This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
