just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
