i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
