i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need moral support for this bender
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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