she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
