I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
