considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize