Non-Jews are for practice
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
