What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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