i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
