areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
