she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
