her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
