just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
