Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
