When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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