Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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