Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
