Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
my liver is dry heaving
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize