On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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