i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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