beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
