Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
