the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
