based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
