After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
