I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
