dude i'm inner monologue high
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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