My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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