Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize