I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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