I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
