u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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