Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
