margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize