He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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