Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
