i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
