you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
there is glitter all over my balls
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
