and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
