i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
