Porn is love you can see.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
