Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
