Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
