Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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