There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
