So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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