Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
