You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
