Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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