So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
