you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
