he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
