Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
