I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
