I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
