Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
