Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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