Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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