It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Alive.
So much puke
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
do nipples grow back?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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