dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
