As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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