guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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