I am spending my child support on dildos
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
